If your senior was deferred or rejected in early decision or early action, the first few days matter most: stay close, let them be upset, and hold off on fixing it. Most teens recover within a week or two. If yours is not bouncing back, seems hopeless or stops functioning, Blackburn Clinical Services offers one-on-one therapy for teens 13 to 17 in our West Los Angeles office or by secure video for clients located in California, with family sessions for parents.
A hard result does not have to become a hard winter. Call (888) 870 7405
Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. Therapy takes place in our office at 12326 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90066, or by secure video.
When results arrive
According to the College Board, early decision results usually arrive in December, and early action results between December and the end of January, sometimes later. For many seniors at private and independent high schools in Southern California, mid December is the week the whole grade finds out at once, often right before or during finals and just as winter break begins. Results travel fast through group chats, and a teen may learn a friend got in minutes after reading their own news.
Deferral, rejection and what each one feels like
- A deferral generally means the college will look at the application again with the regular pool. It is not a no, but it can feel like months more of waiting with no control. Some teens freeze; others throw themselves into frantic extra work.
- A rejection is final for that college. It often lands as grief, especially when a teen built their identity, or their friendships, around one school.
- An acceptance for a close friend can hurt as much as the result itself, and teens often feel guilty for being jealous.
- Your own disappointment is real too. Teens watch their parents’ faces closely on decision day.
Your teen’s school counselor is the right person for what to do next with each college, such as whether to send an update or how to adjust the list for regular decision. Our role is your teen’s mental health and how your family gets through it.
What to say, and what to skip
- Say: “I’m so sorry. That really hurts.” Then stop talking and stay nearby.
- Say: “I’m proud of you, and that has nothing to do with any college.”
- Skip, for now: “Everything happens for a reason,” “It was a reach anyway” or “Let’s look at the regular decision list.”
- Skip: comparing your teen to classmates or siblings, or calling other parents to find out who got in.
- Give it a day or two before talking about next steps, and let your teen set the pace.
Normal disappointment or something more?
Sadness, tears, anger and a few rough days are a normal response to a loss. Watch for signs that last longer or go deeper. The National Institute of Mental Health lists signs of teen depression that include feeling worthless or empty, losing interest in activities, pulling away from friends and family, changes in sleep or eating, and thoughts of suicide or self-harm.
- Still withdrawn, flat or not eating normally after one to two weeks
- Saying things like “I ruined my life” or “I’m a failure” again and again
- Refusing to finish regular decision applications, or giving up on school entirely
- Grades collapsing in the second half of senior year
- New or heavier drinking, cannabis or vaping
- Any talk of wanting to die or not being here
If several of these fit, see signs of teen depression parents miss or use our does my teen need therapy checklist.
How therapy at Blackburn helps after a hard decision
- One-on-one sessions in our office or by secure video for clients located in California. Teens work through the disappointment, separate their worth from an admissions result and get unstuck on what comes next. CBT and ACT are common approaches.
- Family sessions. Parents and teens agree on how to talk about college for the rest of the year, and how to handle regular decision results in the spring.
- Short-term or more support. Many teens need a few focused weeks. If depression or anxiety is significant, we may recommend the Blackburn Concierge Outpatient Program, which is one-on-one with no groups, or psychiatric care, which can be arranged.
- Hours. Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, scheduled within those hours around school. Winter break is often a good time to start.
When to get urgent help
If your teen is in danger right now, call 911. If your teen talks about wanting to die, is harming themselves or you are worried they might, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time of day. You can call 988 as a parent, for advice about what to do next.
Questions
My teen was deferred. Is that the same as being rejected?
No. A deferral generally means the college will review the application again later, usually with regular decision applicants. Your school counselor can explain what it means for a specific college. Emotionally, though, many teens experience a deferral as a loss, and that deserves support too.
How long should disappointment last before I worry?
A few hard days are expected. If your teen is still withdrawn, hopeless or not functioning after one to two weeks, or if things are getting worse, it is worth calling for an assessment. If they talk about wanting to die, call or text 988.
Should I make my teen talk about it?
No. Let them know you are available and check in gently, without pushing. Many teens open up later, often in the car or late at night. Family sessions can help if talking at home keeps turning into arguments.
Can therapy start over winter break?
Yes. Appointments are Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, and many families use the weeks around winter break to start, when there is less schoolwork competing for time.
Do you help with college applications or appeals?
No. We are a mental health practice. Your school counselor or a college advisor handles applications. We help with the mood, anxiety and family stress around them.
More for families: therapy for private school students, college admissions stress and therapy for high-achieving teens.
Get started
Help for your senior after a hard result. Call (888) 870 7405
Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM.
You can also email info@blackburnclinical.com or contact us. Parents usually make the first call; your teen does not need to be on the line.