Parents of a Struggling College Student: How to Help

If your college student is struggling, the most useful things a parent can do are notice specific changes, talk about them calmly, help the student get an assessment, and get support for yourself. Blackburn Clinical Services in Los Angeles sees college students for therapy in our office or by secure video for clients located in California, and for psychiatric care, and helps parents through family services. Parents often make the first call: (888) 870 7405 or info@blackburnclinical.com.

At a glance

For students: therapy, psychiatric evaluation and medication management, ADHD and neuropsychological testing, and care during a leave or a return.
For parents: support of your own, and family sessions when the student agrees. See family services.
Where: Therapy takes place in our office at 12326 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90066, in Mar Vista near Culver City, Venice and Santa Monica, or by secure video for clients located in California.
Psychiatry: Psychiatric evaluation and medication management are provided by our board certified psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners. When you call, we explain how psychiatry appointments are arranged.
Fees: We are an out-of-network practice and provide superbills. See Fees and Insurance.
Adult students decide: a student 18 or older is an adult patient. Anything we share with a parent happens only with the student’s written permission.

Signs your student may be struggling

Students rarely say “I am not okay” directly. More often parents notice a pattern: calls and texts that stop or turn flat, missed classes, a sudden drop in grades or a request to withdraw from courses, money running out faster than usual, sleeping very late or not at all, talk of transferring or quitting, more drinking or drug use, or a student who comes home for a break and stays in their room. College is a common time for symptoms to appear: the National Institute of Mental Health reports that 36.2 percent of adults aged 18 to 25 had a mental illness in 2022, the highest of any adult age group.

Some signs mean act now: talk of wanting to die or being a burden, giving things away, or reckless behavior are among the warning signs of suicide listed by the National Institute of Mental Health. Call or text 988, or call 911 if anyone is in immediate danger. If your student is far away, you can also call their campus police or counseling center and ask for a welfare check.

What the college can and cannot tell you

Many parents are surprised by how little information the school shares. Under the federal Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), rights over education records transfer from parents to the student when the student turns 18 or enters a postsecondary institution at any age. The U.S. Department of Education explains that a college may still share information with parents in some situations, including when the student is claimed as a dependent for tax purposes, when a health or safety emergency involves the student, and, for students under 21, when the student has violated a law or school policy on alcohol or controlled substances. Each school decides how it applies these rules. The simplest route is often for your student to sign the school’s own release form.

How to talk with your student

Lead with what you have seen, not a diagnosis. “You have missed our last three calls and you sound exhausted” opens a conversation; “I think you are depressed” can close it.
Listen longer than feels natural. Ask how the term is really going and let silences sit.
Separate grades from health. Make it clear their wellbeing matters more than this semester’s transcript.
Offer one concrete step. A visit to the campus counseling center, or an assessment with a local therapist when they are home.
Agree on information sharing. Ask what they are comfortable letting you know, and respect their answer.

For more on what to say and what to avoid, see how to talk with a young adult about starting therapy. If your student is the first in your family to attend college, see therapy for first-generation college students.

Getting your student care

If your student studies in Los Angeles or is home, we can see them here. Students home on break can start with an assessment; see therapy for college students home for winter break. Students who need time away can see getting a clinical evaluation for a leave of absence. For an overview of the care we provide to students, see therapy and psychiatry for college students.

If your student studies far away, encourage them to start with the campus counseling center, which can often help students find care near campus.

Students home anywhere in Los Angeles County can start by secure video for clients located in California; find your city on areas we serve.

Support for you

Watching a young adult struggle from a distance is exhausting, and parents often carry worry, guilt and disagreement with a partner about what to do. Support of your own helps you stay steady and avoid the swings between rescuing and stepping back. Blackburn offers parent support through family services, and relationship counseling for couples who are pulling in different directions. If your student needs structure and follow-through more than clinical care, Blackburn Mentoring, a sister organization, offers mentoring.

To see how common these struggles are among college students and young adults, with the year and source for each figure, see college student mental health statistics.

Questions

My student is over 18. Can I still make the first call?

Yes. Parents often call first. The student takes part in the assessment and decides what information is shared with you, so it helps to talk with them before or soon after you call.

Why will the college not tell me how my student is doing?

Under FERPA, rights over education records move to the student at 18 or when they enter college. Schools may share information in some situations, such as a health or safety emergency, but the easiest path is usually for your student to sign the school’s release.

Will you tell me what my student says in therapy?

Only what your student gives written permission to share. If your student wants you involved, we can talk about that together at the start.

Can I get help for myself even if my student refuses care?

Yes. Parents can get support on their own through our family services, which can help you decide how to respond and when to step in.

Is this an emergency?

If your student talks about suicide, is unsafe, or has severe symptoms such as not sleeping for days or losing touch with reality, call or text 988 or call 911. Otherwise, call us to schedule an assessment.

Parent of a high schooler? See support for parents of a struggling teen, which covers family sessions for teens 13 to 17.

Get started

Call (888) 870 7405 (Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM), email info@blackburnclinical.com or contact us. Blackburn Clinical Services is at 12326 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90066.

If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or call 911 in an emergency.

Help for Parents of a Struggling College Student