Teen Talking About Suicide or Self-Harm? What to Do Tonight

If your teen is in immediate danger, call 911 now or go to the nearest emergency room.

If your teen has talked about suicide or self-harm, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, free and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call for your teen, with your teen, or for advice for yourself. You can also chat at 988lifeline.org.

If your teen tells you they are thinking about suicide or hurting themselves, the most important things you can do tonight are to stay calm, stay with them, ask them directly about it, call or text 988 for guidance, and make your home safer. You do not have to handle this alone or know exactly what to say. If your teen told you, that took courage, and it gives you a chance to help. Help is available. This page walks you through tonight and the next few days.

Right now: is your teen safe?

Call 911 or go to the emergency room if your teen has hurt themselves and needs medical care, says they are going to act on a plan, or you cannot keep them safe.
Call or text 988 if your teen is talking about suicide or self-harm but is not in immediate danger. A trained crisis counselor will talk with you, help you understand how serious things are and help you decide what to do next.
In Los Angeles County, the LA County Department of Mental Health Help Line at (800) 854-7771 is also available 24 hours a day for crisis assessment and referrals.

For a weekday appointment after tonight: Call (888) 870 7405

Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. Blackburn is an outpatient practice, not a crisis line: for urgent help at any hour, call or text 988, or call 911.

Tonight: what to do

Stay calm and stay close

Your teen will take cues from you. Take a breath, lower your voice and sit with them. Try not to leave them alone tonight if you are worried about their safety.

Ask directly

It is all right to ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” The National Institute of Mental Health notes that research shows asking people whether they are suicidal does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior (NIMH). A direct question tells your teen you can handle the answer.

Listen more than you talk

Let your teen explain what they are feeling. Thank them for telling you. Avoid arguing, lecturing, or saying things like “you have so much to live for.” Simple responses help: “I’m really glad you told me. I love you. We’re going to get through this together.”

Do not promise to keep it secret

Your teen may ask you not to tell anyone. You can promise to be on their side and to include them in decisions, but not to keep a safety concern secret.

Call or text 988 together

You can call 988 with your teen or on your own. Crisis counselors help parents too. They can help you judge how urgent things are, plan for tonight and find next steps.

Make your home safer tonight

Pediatricians recommend removing or locking up items that could be used for self-harm, especially during a crisis (American Academy of Pediatrics):

If there are firearms in the home, the safest choice is to store them outside the home for now. At a minimum, keep them locked and unloaded, with ammunition locked separately.
Lock up medications, including over-the-counter medicines, and alcohol.
Ask other homes your teen spends time in to do the same.

Warning signs to take seriously

Sometimes a teen does not say it out loud. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, warning signs include:

Talking about wanting to die, feeling like a burden, or feeling great guilt or shame
Feeling hopeless, empty or trapped, or in unbearable pain
Withdrawing from friends and family, saying goodbye or giving away belongings
Big mood swings, rising anxiety, agitation or anger
Changes in sleep or eating, more drinking or drug use, or reckless behavior

Get help as soon as possible, especially if a sign is new or has increased recently. Call or text 988 for guidance.

If your teen is self-harming without wanting to die

Some teens hurt themselves to cope with overwhelming feelings, without wanting to end their life. It still needs attention. Stay calm, avoid punishment or shaming, make sure any injuries are cared for by a medical provider, and arrange an assessment with a mental health professional. If you are not sure whether your teen is at risk of suicide, call or text 988 and ask.

The next few days

Arrange a professional assessment soon. Your teen’s pediatrician or a mental health practice can help. If your teen was seen in an emergency room, follow the discharge plan and make the follow-up appointment before you leave.
Call Blackburn on a weekday. Blackburn Clinical Services sees teens 13 to 17 for one-on-one therapy in our office in Mar Vista, West Los Angeles, or by secure video for clients located in California, with family sessions for parents. Call (888) 870 7405, Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. We are an outpatient practice, not a crisis service, so for anything urgent, at any hour, use 988 or 911.
Talk with your teen about school. Decide together what, if anything, to share with the school counselor. With your written permission we can coordinate with your teen’s school.
Keep checking in. Following up, even with a short text or a few minutes together each day, matters after a crisis (NIMH).
Look after yourself. This is frightening for parents. You can call 988 for your own support, and family sessions give you a place to work through it. See support for parents of a struggling teen.

For a weekday appointment: Call (888) 870 7405

Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. Outside those hours or in a crisis, call or text 988, or call 911.

Related guides

Questions parents ask

What should I do if my teen says they want to die?

Stay calm and stay with them. If they are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Otherwise, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, for guidance tonight, make your home safer, and arrange a professional assessment soon.

Will asking my teen about suicide put the idea in their head?

No. The National Institute of Mental Health notes that research shows asking people whether they are suicidal does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Asking directly shows your teen you can handle the answer.

Can I call 988 if I am the parent, not the person in crisis?

Yes. You can call or text 988 for your teen, with your teen, or for guidance for yourself. Crisis counselors are available 24 hours a day.

Should I take my teen to the emergency room?

Go to the emergency room or call 911 if your teen has hurt themselves and needs medical care, says they are going to act on a plan, or you cannot keep them safe. If you are unsure, call or text 988 for help deciding.

Can Blackburn help after a crisis?

Yes. Blackburn Clinical Services sees teens 13 to 17 for one-on-one therapy in our West LA office or by secure video for clients located in California, with family sessions for parents. Call (888) 870 7405, Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. We are not a crisis service, so use 988 or 911 for anything urgent.

If Your Teen Talks About Self-Harm or Suicide: What to Do Tonight