My Teen Won't Go to Therapy: What Parents Can Do

If your teen won’t go to therapy, start by lowering the stakes: pick a calm moment, say what you have noticed without labels, give your teen real choices about who, when and how, and ask for a short trial (often three or four sessions) instead of a forever commitment. Most reluctant teenagers are not refusing help. They are refusing to feel judged, managed or exposed. Blackburn Clinical Services sees teens ages 13 to 17 for one-on-one therapy in our office in Mar Vista, West Los Angeles, and parents can call us first to plan how to raise it.

Call (888) 870 7405

Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM. Call us before you talk with your teen if you would like help planning the conversation.

If your teen has talked about suicide or self-harm, do not wait for agreement. Call or text 988, or call 911 if there is immediate danger. Our guide if your teen talks about self-harm or suicide walks through what to do tonight.

Who this guide is for

Parents and guardians of high school students who can see their teen is struggling (with anxiety, low mood, school pressure, substance use or conflict at home) and who have heard “I’m fine,” “therapy is for crazy people” or “you can’t make me.” It is written with families at private and independent high schools in mind, where small communities and high expectations can make a teen especially wary of asking for help, but it applies to any high schooler. For an adult child, see how to talk with a young adult about starting therapy, which handles the different question of an adult’s right to decide.

Why high schoolers push back

Understanding the “no” makes it easier to answer. Common reasons teens give:

“It means something is wrong with me.” Teens fear a label, especially if they are used to being the capable one.
“Everyone will find out.” In a small school where families know each other, privacy feels fragile.
“You’ll just hear everything I say.” Many teens assume the therapist reports back to parents word for word. (See teen therapy and privacy in California.)
“I tried it once and it didn’t help.” A poor fit in middle school can sour a teen on the whole idea.
“I don’t have time.” Between classes, sports, practice and homework, another appointment can feel impossible.
“This is your problem, not mine.” When there is conflict at home, a teen may feel singled out as the problem.

Each of these has an honest answer. Your job is not to win the argument in one conversation but to make the first step small enough to take.

How to raise it: what helps

Choose the moment. In the car, on a walk or over food tends to go better than a sit-down meeting. Avoid right after a fight, a bad grade or a late night.
Lead with what you see and how you feel. “You’ve been sleeping a lot and skipping practice. I’m worried about you, and I want you to have someone to talk to who isn’t me.”
Normalize it. Many athletes, performers and successful adults have a therapist. Seeing one is a way to handle pressure, not proof of failure.
Offer real choices. Your teen can help choose the therapist, the day of the week and whether you come to part of the first visit. Choice turns “being sent” into “deciding.”
Ask for a trial, not a promise. “Try three or four sessions. If it isn’t helping, we’ll talk about something else.” A teen who agrees to a trial often keeps going once they feel heard.
Explain privacy honestly. Tell your teen that therapists generally keep the details of sessions private, with exceptions for safety, and that the therapist will explain the rules at the first appointment.
Take part yourself. Offering to join family sessions, or to get guidance of your own, shows that you see this as a family effort, not a punishment.

What usually backfires

Ultimatums tied to phones, cars or privileges in the first conversation
Booking an appointment in secret and springing it on your teen
Bringing the whole family, or a teacher or coach, to confront your teen
Diagnosing: “You have depression,” “You’re an addict”
Promising complete secrecy, which no ethical therapist can promise when safety is at risk

If the answer is still no

A no today is often a yes in a few weeks. While you wait:

Keep the door open. Mention it once more, calmly, after a week or two. Do not bring it up in every argument.
Start with your own support. Parents can call us to talk through what they are seeing and how family sessions work, and can book parent-only sessions about their teen or their own therapy. When parents change how they respond at home, teens often soften.
Use someone your teen trusts. A pediatrician, school counselor, coach or older cousin can sometimes say what a parent cannot.
Agree on a single meeting. “Go once, then you decide” is a smaller ask than “start therapy.”
Know when you decide. For a high schooler, safety concerns, substance use that is escalating or school refusal that is going on for weeks are reasons for a parent to insist on an assessment, even over objections. Our guides on school refusal and teen vaping, cannabis and alcohol cover those situations.
If substance use is behind the refusal. Blackburn Recovery Services provides addiction intervention for families anywhere in the US; the team travels nationwide, and the first call is free.

What therapy at Blackburn looks like for a reluctant teen

In our office or by secure video for clients located in California, one-on-one. Therapy can take place in our office at 12326 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90066, in a private room away from home, siblings and school, or by secure video for clients located in California. Some teens find the office easier than talking from their bedroom; others prefer video.
Parents involved at the start. Parents usually make the first call and take part at the beginning, then your teen has their own time with the therapist.
Family sessions. When it helps, we offer family sessions so parents and teens can work on communication and conflict together.
Weekday scheduling. Appointments are Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, with flexible scheduling within those hours. Many families use a free period, a late start or the end of the school day.
Outside the school community. Some teens are more willing when the therapist has nothing to do with their school. With your written permission we can coordinate with the school, and when clinically appropriate we can provide documentation for your teen’s school.

Read what to expect at a first teen therapy appointment and share the parts that fit with your teen. Knowing what will happen lowers the fear.

Want help planning the conversation? Call (888) 870 7405

Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, with flexible scheduling within those hours.

Related guides for parents

When to get urgent help

Blackburn is an outpatient practice, not a crisis service. If your teen talks about suicide or self-harm, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If your teen is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Questions parents ask

Can I make my teen go to therapy?

For a high schooler, parents can usually arrange an assessment even if their teen objects, and safety concerns are a reason to do so. Therapy works best when a teen takes part willingly, so most families start by offering choices and a short trial. If you are worried about safety, call 988 or 911 rather than waiting.

What should I say to my teen about starting therapy?

Keep it short and specific: what you have noticed, that you are worried, and that you want them to have someone to talk to who is not a parent. Offer choices about who, when and whether you join part of the first visit, and ask for a trial of a few sessions.

Will the therapist tell me everything my teen says?

Not word for word. Teens need privacy to be honest, and therapists explain the limits, especially around safety, at the start. At Blackburn we explain our approach to privacy and parent involvement at the first appointment.

My teen tried therapy before and hated it. Is it worth trying again?

Often, yes. Fit matters, and a teen who did not connect with one therapist may do well with another, or with a different approach. Ask your teen what did not work last time and share that when you call.

Is therapy at Blackburn in person or online?

Both. Therapy is available in our office at 12326 Venice Blvd in Mar Vista, West Los Angeles, or by secure video for clients located in California. Appointments are Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM.

Can I talk to someone at Blackburn before my teen agrees?

Yes. Parents usually make the first call. Call (888) 870 7405, Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, to talk through what you are seeing and how a first appointment works. You can also book parent-only sessions about your teen while they decide.

My Teen Won’t Go to Therapy: How to Help a Reluctant High Schooler